She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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