i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
