she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize