woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
