Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
