this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
