dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
