then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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