Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
