I could make wine with my vomit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
