Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
