If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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