She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
