I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who died my cat blue again?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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