I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Houston, we have a blender
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
