Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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