I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize