I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize