happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
