I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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