did you get engaged???
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
