You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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