did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You can't just leave with hair like that
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
