New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
