I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
