I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
