don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
