the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
