just tell him i said nine months
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
