I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
