his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
