I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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