Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize