I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize