I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize