On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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