where am i from again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
