I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
