Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
