distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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