did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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