I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
