If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
