i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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