Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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