I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
