shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize