WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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