We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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