wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
