She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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