Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
