You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
