in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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