i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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