PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
