The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
