The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
