Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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