he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize