The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
