I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
