Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
