I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
