I wish I could teleport
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
