2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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