my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
