I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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