well I can't set my house on fire every night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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