one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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