I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
