return my video game
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
