Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
