What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
