Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
