She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
