Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
